"The Economy Shares Advice: Acts of God" by Jason Fraley

The Economy Shares Advice: Acts of God

The highest floors are reserved for those who wrestle with convexity. Convexity is a line that smiles. Anything that smiles is a risk.

My goal is simple: flat lines only. Predictable outcomes. Predictable returns. Predictable (profitable) death. My team has broad discretion. Buy butter futures if the algorithm proves correlation. Build houses entirely of mirrors so shame paralyzes homeowner and burglar alike. Drain the clouds into aquifers. Bottle the aquifers. Store the bottles in a warehouse.

I’m the first to remove Acts of God clauses from contracts. Not because I don’t believe in God. It’s just that I’ve stored God in a tarp-wrapped crate in an undisclosed location. He rattles and jostles periodically, but the blackness reminds Him of a time before Him. Peaceful.

At bonus time, the checks’ memo lines read master of the universe, which my team discovers is fungible for cars, watches, and silk scarves. I’m immune to such hubris. Instead, I buy a single tailored suit, lining embellished with pink flowers. It’s not hubris if my initials are imprinted into every petal. It’s not hubris if they only bloom in the dark heat of my body.

Jason Fraley

Jason Fraley is a native West Virginian who lives and works in Columbus, OH. Prior and forthcoming publications include Quarter After Eight, DIAGRAM, Jet Fuel Review, I-70 Review, Copper Nickel, West Trade Review, and Forklift, Ohio.

Headshot: Kent Smith Photography

Photo Credit: Staff