"Elvis Pays His Respects" by Caleb Bouchard

Elvis Pays His Respects

An Elvis impersonator drove to Pembroke Pines, Florida, to preside over a funeral. The weather was so sticky, so warm and gooey, it reminded him of a peanut butter and banana sandwich. The branches of palm trees slumped towards the scathing hot ground, their leaves bloated from sunlight. At the church, the dead man’s wife cried on the Elvis impersonator’s black jumpsuit, which was decorated with golden studs on the torso and outer leg seams. The dead man’s daughter, a plump woman in her forties, handed the Elvis impersonator some prepared remarks, which he read at the beginning of the service. Less than a dozen people peppered the creaky wooden rows, their crepey skin the color of pork rinds. He read from the prepared remarks, which extolled the wholesome virtues and values of the dead man, how he loved his family more than all of the riches in the world. The Elvis impersonator then opened it up for eulogies from the audience. A bald man with a neon green fanny pack blurted, “Mort owed me five hundred dollars.” He then turned to the dead man’s wife. “I expect restitution, Cynthia.” 

From there, the frail, wrinkled pallbearers (friends the dead man had made through bingo night at Hooters) carried the casket out to the cemetery. As the dead man’s body was lowered into the ground, the Elvis impersonator sang an a cappella version of  “I’ll Remember You,” from the 1966 film Spinout. Everyone stared at the gaping hole in the earth as he sang. They were still lowering the casket into the ground when the Elvis impersonator finished singing. The daughter of the dead man gestured to him, ordering him to sing another, but he had been paid only to do one song. Instead, he contorted his body into the shape of a white crane and executed a smooth, sweeping kick, like a seagull flying over a sandy shoreline at daybreak. Kung fu was always free of charge. 

Caleb Bouchard

Caleb Bouchard's writing has recently appeared in The Atlanta Review, Saw Palm, and Thimble Literary Magazine. His translations of the French poet Jacques Prevel have appeared in Black Sun Lit and Poet Lore. Link up with him on Instagram @calebbouchard.

Headshot: Aubrie Sofala

Photo Credit: Staff