“‘Anorexia Mirabilis,’ also Called ‘Holy Anorexia’” by Kayla Simon

“anorexia mirabilis,” also called “holy anorexia”

St. Catherine of Siena, patron saint of Italy, suffered from an extreme form of holy fasting, a condition classified as anorexia mirabilis.

some religious women are said to have fasted for months,
years. i wish i wasn’t a believer. i wish i didn’t compare Jesus’s corpse 
to my own. i wish my mom, who spends Good Friday hungry & hunched 
over with crossed hands, could understand why i crucified my hunger, 
never expecting it to rise again. 

this is the closest i have come to the saints — starving my body
in the name of purity. Ash Wednesday, i have claimed fasting, i have lived
seven Wednesdays in a week, my mom would be so proud
if only i could tell her the devoted Christian i have become.

St. Catherine, your crown of thorns, i am laying my body
at your altar, patron saint of starvation. share your secrets
to gaunt cheekbones, divine skeleton, i am praying. 
there were days when the only thing my mouth touched
was Christ’s body. when i counted how long the host could sit
on my tongue. my body does not matter, Catherine,
our spirits are so strong.

St. Catherine, i have sinned, for we are not the same — i know you 
would eat, on occasion, to prove yourself unpossessed, no demon
inside of you, telling you not to eat.      this is where we differ.

KAYLA SIMON

Kayla Simon is a 2023 graduate of the University of Connecticut, where she majored in English with a concentration in Creative Writing and double-minored in Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies and Communication. Her work has previously been published in New Square, Grub Street, Long River Review, Red Cedar Review and others. When she isn’t writing or reading, you can find her taking photos for her photography business or looking at the stars.

Headshot: Molly Mia

Photo Credit: Staff