"The Aperture is Closing" by Rochelle Shapiro

The Aperture Is Closing

My husband, 6’4”, ramrod posture,
hunches now, his head before him, an eagle watching for prey.
His sneakers are on the wrong feet, the tongues twisted,
his mouth a rictus.

Each morning, to save his kidneys, I must grip his flaccid penis, rimmed like a mushroom cap, to stick
the catheter in.

On our walks — shorter each day — he’s short-breathed — I try to guide him / guide us out of hell by pointing out what’s around us:

Look, I say, those tight green buds are ballooning into flowers like violet stars.
He watches in silence. Here,
squeeze the snapdragon. Its flower mouth opens.
It drops from his hand. Over there,
those are yellow birdsfoot trefoils. Don’t the petals look like popcorn? They plant them in meadows for cattle to feed on. They don’t cause gas.
He doesn’t laugh.
And there, a cardinal. A jackrabbit.
I notice he’s left his glasses home.
His right hearing aid dangles
from his ear.

When our children were young,
he used to turn over rocks
as he’d done as a boy to admire the wriggling worms,
the roly-polies, and beetles,
and delight our boy and girl with party-horn music
blown through two wide blades of grass held between his thumbs,
and stick maple leaves on their noses or hold
the leaves high to whirligig down,
the children jumping like pups.
And we went to the bird sanctuary
on tiptoe, finger to lips to watch the snowy egrets nest.

We start for home, me a chattering magpie.
I read male flies butt heads like rams
to fight for a mate, and the females puff out
like Victorian ladies in bustles.

I look over my shoulder.
He’s far away.

Rochelle Shapiro

Rochelle Jewel Shapiro’s novel, Miriam the Medium, has been reissued by Simon & Schuster. Shapiro has published essays in The New York Times Lives, Newsweek, as well as many anthologies. Her short stories have appeared in Entropy, The Mac Guffin, and more. Her poetry has been nominated for a Pushcart and for Best of the Net. She’s teaches writing at UCLA Extension. https://rochellejshapiro.com/ @rjshapiro

Headshot: Rochelle Shapiro

Photo Credit: Staff